talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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