He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
