Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
