If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize