It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
