wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
