THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
