Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
