He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
