Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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