so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
