I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
