he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I AM VODKA MAN
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
FUCK WHALES
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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