The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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