Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize