Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
where are my eyebrows?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
