Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
