Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
4 words: hood of his car
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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