My friends, they love my intelligence
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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