My friends, they love my intelligence
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize