my mouth tastes like poor choices
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
