I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
