We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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