The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
