I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Couch. On fire.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
