thus making me awesome and them whores
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize