I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
