Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
