in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
