In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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