well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
