So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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