Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize