My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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