shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
