That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize