I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i out mim tonsoeep
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