We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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