well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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