she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
