Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
