Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
