I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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