Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
