Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
