I never want to see another naked old woman again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
