It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
