don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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