you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
