Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
