So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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