Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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