So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize