Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
