Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
