there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
