her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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