he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
