youre lurking in front of me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
