I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
