I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
