I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize