Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
nutella sex= disaster
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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