I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
