so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How does one acquire holy water?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
