Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
