i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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