As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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