my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize