Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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