Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we're so committed to being not committed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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