My liver just broke up with me...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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