am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
