and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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