I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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