I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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