the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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