hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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