do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My vagina is very pro this idea
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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