I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
