I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
