1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
