so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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