Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
