North Korea, Best Korea!
Don't make out with my wife yet
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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