i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
