too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize