I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
