That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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