haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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