The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
