can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
