We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm too high and old for this...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
