I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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