Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
