Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
