Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize