I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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