No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize