I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
